Jealousy, love, and Dragons
by Faithfulpurelight
Summary: Aira learns new things, and loses somethings that she wishes she hadn't.
1. Chapter 1: Aira's story

Disclaimer: Anne McCaffrey owns everything. I wish I could own Pern. But then again, Don't we all?

Author's note: MUST READ! Ok one or two out of cannon stuff for Pern. I know that no rider could ever be jealous because of the color of their dragon, and my charecters are not by any means jealous of colors. The jealousy thing will be explained later with attention and status. And this is a none AVIS story. And girls can be impressed by greens. Ok? Enjoy!!! Oh, and criticism and any kind of review is always welcome.

I've never understood some emotions that people of our Hold have. Anger, is a waste of energy. Someone might have done something wrong, but grudges are silly. My mother always said, "Don't let the sun go down on your anger." I never had to worry about the sun or Red Star...or anything going down on my anger, because I didn't waste time trying to keep it.

I understood sadness better. Someone dies, nothing is going right, the Hold is failing. That particular emotion is justified to me. But things do change, and time moves on as surely as the Red Star spin's Thread. You move on with life.

But envy, that is one emotions that I could not understand. I tried again and again to wrap my mind around the idea. But it's incomprhensibale. Why should you be upset over what someone else has? More crops, is better at the craft that you work at, there are more than a million marks that could trigger the hot unexplainable thing that is jealousy.

I never had to worry about jealousy. Not with my best friend. Tara and I were inseparable. Except when it came to chores and lessons. She is much better at lessons then I am. I thought she should have became a healer, and put her intelligent mind where it was needed. The Healer Craft was very hard I had heard. The Harper didn't agree with me. He said that her voice is one that must be shared with all of Pern. Fort Hold never had a problem with either of us. Tara was asked to sing at all the Gathers, and we kept the mischief down to a minimum.

And even though be both knew in our heart of hearts that it could never happen, we shared dreams of becoming Dragonriders. To ride a small, but valuable green as she charged into battle to sear the deadly Threads as they fell to the fertile land, searing them to ash just before they hit. To be a hero of Pern. And when one, or either of us was feeling down, we even dared to dream of riding a Queen dragon. A golden beauty and fight with a flamethrower in hand, burning what others had missed. But we didn't delude ourselves into dreaming false dreams.

Even the day that Fort Weyr came on Search, after N'ton had flown the Senior Queen and become the new Weyrleader; we didn't hold much hope for our daydreams.

I had just celebrated my 17th Turn. Tara was born a month before me, and had been teasing me good heartedly about how wonderful it was to be a turn older. Now, she was playing with my hair. I didn't understand how she could love my golden curly hair, and deep lake blue eyes. I loved her straight brown hair, and warm brown eyes. I had joked that she was made for a brown dragon when we were little.

The Harper had come rushing into the hall, gasping for breath, mumbling that Dragonmen had come on Search. We had hurried out with the rest of hopefuls; nervously smoothing down our skirts. Although we tried to squash the flame of hope, it would not die.

The dragons poked and prodded, sniffed and snorted. They had nearly knocked me over in the process. Tara had caught me, lending a supporting hand of balance until my own poise was regained. I flashed her a smile of gratitude.

We waited breath held, wondering how exactly this Search would turn out. The riders seemed to confer with their dragons, and time started to slow down. Finally, they turned toward the awaiting hopfull children and young adults. My brain told my heart to stop beating. Time had gone from painfully fast, to very slow, to trickling by, to stopping completely. I heard Tara's breath catch as the men began to pass by the front of our line. As they came closer, I began to feel a little sick.

Suddenly they were infront of us, as though they had appeared from _between. _They had only chosen one other boy. He had always been picked on at the Hold, and was the same number of Turns as Tara and I. A blue rider pointed to me, and I hurried forward to take my place next to the boy. How had I made it? Tara was still standing in line. The blue rider conferred with his beast, and I flashed her a smile. She seemed too pale. But the rider nodded his head and brought her forward to stand by me. I could breath again, my heart restarted, and time went back to it's normal pace.

"These are our candidates for the new clutch." His booming voice penetrated my supor, and over joyed, we all raced back to our holds to pack.

OoOoOoOoO

I had been at Fort Weyr for over a week, and both Tara and I loved every minute of it. If Tara was upset that in Search I had been chosen with her as an afterthought, she gave no indication, and I put it to the back of my mind.

Our chores had been done each day dutifully, and many of them were only a little different from those that we had preformed in the Hold.

Helping with dragon healing was my favorite. At first I had been clumsy, not sure how delicate I needed to be. The brown dragon Marth, was forgiving though. Under his rider's tutoring and patience I did better. Tara was helping a dainty green, and having no trouble.

It was early morning when Hatching was begun. Every candidate had been told often enough to drop everything, run to change, and get to the hatching grounds. None of the soon to be dragonriders ever imagined that the Hatching would come when most were still asleep. I hadn't been sleeping well, having nightmares of Hatching, and having to many thoughts in my brain to do anything but sit and ponder them.

The humming of dragons welcoming the new hatchlings reached my ears before it reached of the other candidates. Tara had been awake instantaneously, coming into my small alcove, pushing the curtain aside, eyes wide. I had given her a nod.

Other candidates had begun to stir, and stifled cries of shock woke the others. I had grabbed my white candidate robe of the hook, pulling it on as fast as I could with ripping the fabric. I wondered if other candidates had become Weyrlings in this robe. Had they become greens? Were some lucky enough to impress golds?

Tara had disappeared, and had been ready slightly after myself. Everyone had begun to run towards the Hatching Grounds as they humming intensified in decibels. We made it to the grounds in time, seeing the cavern fill up quickly all around us. Or, that's what it had felt like. Tara was alive as excitement. She wanted to be a Dragonrider far more then myself. She had daydreamed of it since we were seven. Ten turns hadn't changed her enthusiasm.

The sands were hot under foot, and as all the candidates formed a loose circle around the eggs, we shifted from foot to foot.

"Why by the egg must the sands be so hot?" One of the boys had complained. Tara had responded gently, knowing that everyone was a little cranky.

"Because the eggs need to be kept warm until they hatch I suppose." I beamed proudly. She knew everything.

As the first crack was made Tara caught my hand. Her palms were sweaty, and she probably had butterflies in her stomach. I squeezed back, hoping that she could be lucky.

A bronze hatchling cried out, piteous from hunger. He looked around and noticed the boy from our hold. The little dragon made no hesitation, but headed for the boy. I had to smile, happy for him. Others in the crowd whispered. Some saying,

"First hatchling, a bronze that's a good sign."

The even continued; bronzes, browns, greens, and blues choosing their life partners. Girls who not yet been chosen had edged towards the one or two green egges that were left, or the Golden Queen egg, hope returning to them.

The last green had hatched, heading straight towards Tara and I right out of the egg. I stepped aside, ceratin of who the little dragon wanted. Tara did the same. But dragon's don't make mistakes and headed straight for Tara. She had been startled, falling to the sands. Her dragon was at her side in a matter of seconds.

I smiled at Tara, wondering how it felt to be impressed. Her eyes had filled with tears of joy. I had turned to see the last egg crack, and watched a blue stumble out, to choose a boy near the back of the room.

I sighed, the hope that had stirred deflating. I knew the gold's egg had shattered, had seen out of the corner of my eye the girls rush forward to meet the little Queen. I had heard the gasp, and thought she was impressed. And I had thought it was Tara calling,

_Wait! Aira stop! _

I turned, surprised to hear anyone call for me when they had their dragons to take care of. I had made several friends over the last week or two, but none so close as for them to call me back. But the voice was too beautiful to be any of my friends. It was perfect. But the perfection was being marred. It was worried about something. I wanted to help it.

My eyes found the rainbow ones infront of me. I was lost.

_How beautiful._

_How intelligent._

_How amazing._

_How brave ._

_How wonderful._

_How strong willed._

_How perfect._

_Perfect._

I smiled, perfectly happy to be with Carmenth. Carmenth who was very hungry. "Food!" I rasped out. Carmenth needed the food.

I walked out of the hatching grounds that day, a gold weyrling. I lost my innocence that day. For after that day, I found out what jealousy could be and do to someone you cared about. That day, I found myself in a changed world.

OoOoOoOoo

Author note again: what did you all think? I will continue this with Tara's perspective next chapter. Please review. Even if you hated it. I wanna know why. I tried hard not make a Mary-Sue character, and even didn't make it Benden and Ruatha like I usually do. lol tell me what you thought!

Kate.


	2. Chapter 2: Tara's Turn

Disclaimer: Anne McCaffrey owns everything. I wish I could own Pern. But then again, Don't we all?

Author's note: MUST READ! Ok one or two out of cannon stuff for Pern. I know that no rider could ever be jealous because of the color of their dragon, and my characters are not by any means jealous of colors. The jealousy thing will be explained later with attention and status. And this is a none AVIS story. And girls can be impressed by greens. Ok? Enjoy! Oh, and criticism and any kind of review is always welcome.

Chapter two: Tara's turn

I never thought that I was better than Aira. She was my best friend after all. I knew that certain things I was better at. Like lessons. But I helped her pass all of them when she struggled. I thought that she sang far better then I did. The Harper didn't agree, but what had he known? Aira was just waiting for her time to shine. At least, that was what I had thought.

I had been angry at other people, jealous of other people. But never Aira. When we were little at least. She was always so supporting of me. Even when she beat me in a race or something, I never got upset. We protected each other from teasing by the other children. It was a perfect friendship.

But as we got older, I began to wonder. Why was she always better? Why did she constantly praise everything that everyone did? She was a ray of sunshine in everyone's life, even mine. But I tried to push these thoughts away. Why was I jealous of my best friend? Aira was...well there was no other way to explain it. Aira was innocent.

I wasn't innocent. I don't know how Aira kept her innocence, but she did. I envied her for that. I envied her for the look that guys gave her that she didn't see. Oh sure, I had guys interested in me as well. But I couldn't do what Aira could. She barley noticed the guys. I craved their attentions.

I did well suppressing my jealousy, till my family and Aira, who knew me best, couldn't see it. No one saw it for ten turns. I could still joke with Aira good humoredly, could still help my mother around the Hold and not have her seeing the burning within me. I was proud of myself.

Then came the day of Search. I was surprised when the Harper panted for us to follow him, surprised when they choose the boy from our Hold as a candidate. He had always been picked on. I was shocked when they didn't chose Keran, a boy from our Hold who had always dreamed of dragons.

When Aira was chosen as a candidate I thought I was going to die. I was happy for my friend, of course I was. But the jealousy that I had hidden for so long was back, and ready to choke me. I squelched it down. I must have gone pale, because Aira sent me a brilliant smile. One of _her_ brilliant smiles. Luckily they pulled me forward as well.

As the rider announced us as the candidates for Fort Hold, my eyes scanned the crowd. Many people were looking at the three of us with happy smiling faces, one or two were jealous, but most were surprised. I still don't know why, but I suppose I never will.

OoOoOoOoO

We had been at the Weyr for a week or so. Aira shined. She was radiant at the Weyr. We both did our chores well, and I suppose we even did them better then some of the other candidates. Dragon Healing was my favorite chore. Although, I couldn't call it a chore when it was so much fun.

I helped a dainty green the first time. Her name was Sarath. She was a brave little soul, who didn't cry out once, or flinch in pain. I found myself thinking as I dressed her wounds that a green was as brave as I had been told I was. Green's were valuable, and together we would fly through Pern. Heros.

The morning of the Hatching, I was asleep. The humming, to my ears sounded like a peaceful melody that a Harper would sing at a Gather, or a lullaby that my mother had sung when I was little. But I was awake upon thinking about the sound, and my first instinct was to go to Aira's alcove, next to mine and check with her. I knew she hadn't been sleeping very well this last week.

A nod of the head was all it took. I was dressing in my robe within minutes. The worn fabric made me wonder how many candidates had worn this garment to be let down. Or how many had become the Dragonriders that they longed to be.

Aria and I had raced to the Hatching Grounds together. The sands had been so hot underfoot, and one boy had complained about the heat. I had responded as best I could. After all, we were all cranky at this hour.

"Because the eggs need to be kept warm until they hatch I suppose." The boy seemed satisfied with this answer.

As the first egg cracked, I caught Aira's hand. My own hand was sweaty, and she gave it a gentle squeeze for comfort. I had needed that.

A bronze was the first to crack his shell, and impressed the boy from our Hold. Hope, rose. Maybe I could impress too. The colors paraded on. So many that I lost count of who and when they were chosen. Girls edged toward leftover green eggs and the gold egg. _Jays! Don't choose them! I am still here!_ I had to impress.

The last green egg cracked, and a emerald green hatchling wobbled out. I stepped aside, figuring the magnificent creature wanted Aira. I was surprised when it headed for me. I took a step back, and fell in the warm sands.

Jeweled eyes met mine, and I sighed; content. How perfect my green Tarenth was. She was also happy with me. Tears of joy filled my eyes. I saw Aira leaving, totally defeated. I went to call out to her.

But she turned, as though someone already had. But all of our friends had either left throughly depressed, or left with their Hatchlings, to feed them and let them sleep. The golden Queen met my friend, and I knew that nothing would ever be the same. Something within me snapped. Tarenth could feel it, and worried over me until I too lead her off the sands; without waiting for my friend.

I thought she would call for me to wait, or call for my help. But she never even noticed I had left before her. Someone else had taken my place. It was a harsh blow.

And even now, as I sit here with my Tarenth, my beautiful dragon to call my own. I know that nothing will ever be the same. I can feel a rage, a burning jealousy boiling within me. It has been there my entire life, now just over flowing.

I could never envy Aira because she has the Queen dragon. I could care less. I have my Tarenth, and she is perfect. It is not color. It is everything the past few years. It is the way that even only a few hours after our hatching, when we have all asked for more meat, the other hatchlings and older riders look at her this incredibly weird way. With respect that I can never gain threw fighting thread.

For in impressing a Queen dragon, she has shown the strength that being a Queen rider takes. She has the status that I do not. How can I fix that? Somehow Tarenth and I will.

And so, my friendship was broken, and my jealousy was born.

OoOoOoOo

hey guys! What do you think? I tried to explain Tara in a way that wouldn't make everyone hate her. I don't know if I succeeded, but at least now she and Tarenth are their own voice in my head, just like Aira and Carmenth are. Please read and review and tell me where to go next! Aira's POV is the next chapter!

Kate


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